Strawberries for Breakfast

For some reason, whenever I have slightly sugared strawberries for breakfast,the rest of the day seems that much better. Maybe it's those chemicals in strawberries that are in chocolate and pepperoni...not sure.

I've been slowly adding music to my music library for a while; a lot more recently than I have been in , and now it's slowly growing into a monster! I love it though, because that means that my playlists will truly be something fearful to behold. The most recent addition to the library is Depeche Mode. Now a lot of people listen to a song by DM and think that it's something below them or that it's 'techno'. Those people really don't know what's up. If you listen to the lyrics,you'll find out that most of the songs have a deeper meaning than just what they're proclaiming. If you're in a thoughtful or philosophic mood, this stuff's the music you want to listen to!

As for sleep, I was dying yesterday,and I finally got an hour at five or so, and then at seven, I didn't wake up till eleven. And at eleven pm, I just checked the clock, turned off my alarm and then went back to sleep till 6:50 am. Now that's a buttload of sleep for somebody who has trouble sleeping. I feel awesome right now. A little cold, but awesome. Correction...very cold!

Also, many people say that eggs and cheese are a nasty combination. I, on the other hand love it! Just easy-over eggs and cheese mixed gently in a bowl. Sure, it looks nasty, but the flavors are awesome! On that note- time for some breakfast!

Sleepless in...Dare I Say Seattle?

Apparently I'm boring because all I talk about is sleep. Even the ads on the side and the bottom of the blog are about sleep and insomnia and snoring. Who would have thought that one comment about a snoring cat would have created such an occurrence.

Just a warning for those that are underage or do not want to see foul language. There is one usage of a foul word later on. Excuse me.

Time for some rambling:
-Running on 2 hours of sleep
-Inspiration overload still is continuing
-Probably failed my Italian final
-The people I came to school today to see are not here.
-I'm really starting to wonder about my sanity and those of my relatives.

So, running on two hours of sleep for about three days is quite interesting. It's like I'm on a high, without all of the negative affects of doing drugs or alcohol: it's only shortening my life,just like the pollution I'm breathing in every second. Awesome.

Inspiration overload's still fueling my raging insomnia, and I know that a lot of other people deal with insomnia too, it's fin on occasion, but mostly it's very annoying and in some cases dangerous and hurtful. I feel like a shell of numbness with some minor places of feeling left. As you can prolly tell, my writing and cognitive ability's atrocious at the moment.

My grandmother just called me demanding to know what I want for christmas. She doesn't have a lot of money, and I have no clue what to ask for. Every year I go through this dilemma and still I haven't found a solution. I told her that I could always use some clothing, and pencils. I told her a couple of clothing stores that I would want a gift card from and that way she can decide how much to put on them, and mechanical pencils don't cost too much,since she wants me to be able to open up an actual gift when I see her.

I prolly failed my Italian final, but I can't bring myself to really care about it, despite the fact that I paid good money to fail a course that doesn't have anything to do with what I'll be doing with my life. My parents yelled at me last night that I'd better get an A on this test because they didn't see me studying. I'm paying for the classes, I'm 20 years old, and I am tired of them forcing their ideals and goals on me.I don't know if they've ever thought about it, but I have goals that I want to get accomplished in my life too.

The people I want to see at school aren't here. My ex,who I'm probably in love with, doesn't show up except on Thursdays. It's kind of sad that I'm in love with this guy. It's not the typical 'he broke up with me so I'm sad' deal, it's more along the lines of 'He doesn't have money to stay in the state,so he has to move at least ten states away when his mom is moving.' So here I am, hurting for weeks, when he doesn't even know if/when his mom is moving,and breaks up with me so we'll be friends... I've talked to some of my friends who are guys,and they tell me that he did it for himself, so that if he has to leave,it won't be as difficult for him. I don't know. I don't know.

And the whole sanity thing: that's a daily occurrence. I don't really care if I'm crazy, I just care about hurting those around me that I care about. I wouldn't want to do that.

I look around the cafeteria that I'm in, at the college, and I see a bunch of people that I am, in general, fond of. Then again, some are just creepers. I just got hugged and kissed on the cheek by a stubble-chinned friend of mine that I can't stand half of the time because I helped him study for a final and now he has confidence that he did really well on it. Good luck you you! I also look around, once again at this crowd in the cafeteria, and I see two friends of mine running out of the cafeteria to talk about some new development in some drama. Normally I'm right in the middle of said drama, helping out both sides,but right now I can't give a flying fuck. It's kind of like, I'm tired of helping everyone else out, I need to take a break to take care of myself for once.

~Till next time.

Topic: Creativity Burst

Hokay, so for the past few months, I've been having a lot of difficulty getting my 'inner muse' to turn on, and I was unable to write or draw or really enjoy any of the hobbies that involved creativity at all. Suddenly, yesterday, I'm unable to sleep yet again, and I get this powerful urge to draw. So I take out my wacom tablet and hop on Corel Painter Essentials 3 and drew. It was like these drawings flew out of my brain but traveled through my spinal column, down my arm and out my fingers! Then, still unable to sleep, I start downloading music, and find that I'm in the mood to write.

So here I am, at five in the morning, no sleep to be found, listening to music while writing poetry and sipping some hot tea. I really should be studying for an Italian final that's this Thursday, but I have the feeling that my A.D.D. will just override and my hands will inch towards the wacom pen and my laptop.

Oh, hello there: how remiss of me. I forgot to introduce myself. And here I am, thinking that you all really care about me and my sleeping problems. My name is Lauren, and I'm a 20 year old college student that's trying to get some kind of goal for her life. I write poetry and short stories, draw, play sports, love to cook and eat food, listen to music, among many other things. I'm an only child and it's not that much fun, really. Enough about me for now, you'll find more out later.

Last night I was working on some poem, and I hear this light snoring noise. I look around because nobody else was around, and nobody in my family snores that loudly that I'd hear them from the first floor. I look around, and find the culprit: my cat. Who would've thought that cats snore too? It's kind of outrageous to even think that animals can't snore, but it's not like you get to see them sleeping all the time,right?

I've also been in the mood to cook recently. I've lost too much weight recently, and I know a lot of people would envy my position, but it's not as good as it sounds. So, I've been eating fatty foods and high-calorie foods while still working out as per usual. So far, my weight's stayed the same. We'll see if my weight continues to go down. If it does, then I'll have to get it checked out, because I've lost almost thirty pounds without trying over a few months. That can't be healthy.

Also, about Christmas. I know a lot of us celebrate Christmas by giving gifts even if we aren't religious, but I was wondering if the traditional home-made gifts are under-appreciated lately. Sure, I don't know what I'd do without my laptop or Ipod, but I really treasure some of the hand-made gifts that I've received over the years. My mom made a hat and gave it to me one year as part of a gift, and it's one of my favorite hats! It's this blue crocheted wonder, and it's incredibly soft. So this year, I thought that I'd crochet my mom a scarf and hat combo. Sounds easy, right? Well, I've done scarves before: so that wasn't a problem. The hat is what I'm finding more difficult. I was thinking that I'd crochet a large square, connect one pair of ends and sew the side and top together. Prolly will look outrageous, but hey, it's my first hat! I was wondering if you guys were making anything for somebody special.

Before I go, here's one of the poems that I wrote this morning at about 3am. Can you tell it's about a relationship? Haha.

Title: Just go

Author: Lauren

I don’t care anymore,

The sun rise gently caresses my closed eyelids,

A new day;

Same old shit.

I can’t forget you,

Why would I want to.

People tell me to move on,

It’s kind of hard to do when you’re

Still here.

Just leave already,

If you have to go,

Just go.

Haven’t you tortured me long enough?

The sun’s rays of light laugh at me

Through the empty tree branches.

When we were together,

We danced under the falling leaves,

Catching a few in open palms.

My hopes and dreams and longings fulfilled

With every look you gave me,

Every touch, every kiss.

But now the branches are empty,

Frost glazes the tips like the

Leftovers of a marshmallow on a stick.

And the leaves that fell are under our feet,

Dancing in the breeze, being ground into dust.

Please,

Make up your mind.

If you want me,

Don’t leave me

All alone in the flurries.

Can’t we dance in the snow?